A Youth's Take

My nephew and I went to restaurant in Patna called Fine Dine and came across a rather quaint waiter there who gave us multiple remarks to create opportunities for hilarity. On our first visit with my nephew Tini, we were pondering over what dish to order and getting stuck at the strange sounding names given in the menu. The waiter was at hand watching our efforts. When we asked him to clarify what a dish with an outlandish name was all about, he said, "Sir, when I look at these names even I become khatarnaak pareshan (dangerously worked up)." Now if I had been there alone or with other grown-ups like me who have lost touch with the humour strewn in everyday life, maybe I would have just smiled at this remark and then would have forgotton about it. But you will see in a while what Tini, who studies in class 10 in DPS, Kanpur found in it. True jewellers can find jewels even in a garbage heap. And real magicians can turn stone to diamond. This is what Tini did to the khatarnaak pareshan remark. But first more of what that fabulous waiter said. When we asked him what all went into a particular dish, he named the ingredients and then I don't remember what we said that made him end his reply with "sab mila ke (everything added together), thank you". The waiter had an amazing capacity to cook up ingenuous string of words. The second remark gave Tini another chance to find humour. We both went on getting into the groove of the two comments and found that they yielded ladles of laughter.

We ordered a drink there called Mewa Glow that was really delicious. And then there were Dussehri mangoes that Tini had brought from his orchard in his native place Nehtaur in Uttar Pradesh. You will know later why I have mentioned all this.

Tini said khatarnak pareshan stands for mental tension with the SI unit Fine Dine (FD). He chose Fine Dine as a recognition of the fact that the concept was created in that restaurant. When I asked him what he could do with "sab mila ke thank you", he immdediately piped up that "it expresses the epitome of gratitude" and coined the term TOTY for it (Total of Thank Yous). Now all his mails to me end with TOTY instead of the plain "thanks". But it was the khatarnak pareshan phrase that he really took a fancy to. He effortlessly built on it to finally come up with something really funny. He summed it up all in a mail to me. This is what came (His formal name is Yashoraj Tyagi):
"TYAGI’S LAWS OF BRAIN TENSION

1. Tyagi defines brain tension as a mental or emotional condition which produces perceptions of strain or shock if its magnitude is positive. Negative magnitude is termed as a ‘state of relaxation’. Those who are neither tense nor relaxed are termed as foolish.

2. The second law specifies that any action which occurs inside or outside the specific confines of a particular human body produces a change in the magnitude of brain tension. (It is not necessary that any change in magnitude will be felt by the body concerned.)

3. The variations in the magnitude of brain tension always occur in alternate numbers and never consecutively.

4. Any accentuation in the state of tension or relaxation can be measured in Mewa Glows (1 Mewa Glow = pleasure in eating 5 Dussehris). Tension is measured in negative.

5. While transitioning from a state of relaxation to tension or vice-versa, the brain transcends the NGPT (Neutral Grace Period of Relaxation) which is also called enlightenment.

6. Overdose of enlightenment is dangerous as it may lead to
formation of Einstein (1 Einstein = 1 E = mc square)

The SI unit of the magnitude of brain tension is FD or Fine Dine (10,000 FD = Tension felt before a plane crash. Minus 10,000 FD = Relaxation (or negative tension) felt if an impending plane crash is averted absolutely safely.)

7. Mr Tyagi would like to say TOTY to everyone who reads this."

Tini's next mail said:

"From now on, prime ministers and chief ministers will take oath like this: 'I swear that I will try to the best of my abilities to prevent the FD level of even one of my fellow citizens from crossing the maximum threshhold ...'"

This pricked my own creative vein and I added to his rendition on FD (just imagine what a simple remark by an awkward waiter had spawned). Here is what I wrote to him:

"FD levels will be one of the parameters on which the human development status of a region will be evaluated. For example, it will be said that the average per capita FD (APCF) level of Bihar was lower last year than that of UP. That means the people of BIhar are better off than the people of UP as far as mental tension is concerned.

"After any natural or man-generated catastrophe, the authorities will try to bring down the FD levels of the affected people as soon as possible. News readers will speak like this: "The FD levels of the people hospitalised after the disaster are coming down slowly."

"The resilience and mental strength of people will be measured on the basis of their respective FD level response when they are exposed to different tension inducing situations. For example, there will be simulation of a person losing his flight on way to an important meeting and his FD level will be measured. Or how the FD level behaves when some bad news is conveyed to a person. Or how the FD level changes when a student gets a shocking exam result. FD responses to different situations will be one of the things that will be considered while recruiting people for jobs.

"FD clinics run by trained personnel will be working to measure FD responses to different sitations. The reports generated at these clinics will have to be submitted during the recruitment process. Since people will bribe clinic staff to get favourable FD reports, leading institutions like the UPSC and the defence department will have their own FD clinics.
"My own FD level has come down while thinking about all this. Long live FD."

Tini writes back:

"I think you should start a National FD Enforcement Committee (NFEC) to implement your ambitious plans of starting the FD revolution. In colleges from now on there will will be cut-off FD levels for students. In schools also FD tests will be taken up based on Tyagi's Laws of Brain Tension (TLBT).

I had read somewhere that on an average a new-born smiles 400 times a day, a teenager laughs 17 times in a day, and grown-ups take weeks to stumble upon laughter. Here was a 15-year-old who turned a little remark which would have been noticed at best with a faint smile by grown-ups into something that made him smile and laugh endlessly. And even turned my taut mind to frequent laughter. Long live humour. And long live youth.